We would like an open adoption and we want people to know what that means in hopes that more couples looking into adoption will also want an open adoption. Open adoption can mean different things to different people, so we want to clarify what it means to us, so any potential birthmom will know exactly what we are hoping for and expecting.
My (Janine) mom was adopted when she was an infant, and she does not know who her birth family is at all. She has never tried to look, and she will tell you she is not curious. Her adoption was completely closed. She grew up always knowing she was adopted, there was never a moment when she had to be told, she just grew up always knowing. She knew she was wanted by my grandparents and she knows she is loved by them, but there will always be that lingering feeling that she wasn't wanted or loved by her birthparents. She will never understand why she was "given up." To her she was abandoned. Many adopted children, especially children from a closed adoption will feel this way, it does not matter how much the adopted parents love them and how wonderful they are, they will still feel that they were unwanted and abandoned by their birthparents. Jeremy and I hope that our children do not have to experience any of these feelings. We do not want our children to wonder why they look different from us, or who it is that they look like; we don't want our children to ever feel unwanted or unloved, or that were "given up." We want our children to grow up knowing exactly why they were adopted, and we want them to know who they look like and that they are loved by their birthparents. If they grow up knowing this, then they should never experience any of those feelings that so many adopted children feel. We have to do what is best for the children, and put aside any feelings of selfishness. We have embraced these ideas and we are now an advocate for them.
We understand that an open adoption is not always a possibility. We know that there are many circumstances in which our children will not be able to know who their birthparents are. We will still be as open and honest with them as we can, and do whatever we can to help our children if they begin to experience any feelings of abandonment or wonder regarding who they are and why they were adopted. We are open to any type of adoption and we know that we will be led to the children we are meant to parent!
Our enormous hope is that we find a birthmother that will become part of our family. We hope to find someone that we can fall in love with and that we will feel comfortable with sharing all the wonderful moments of our children. We want to make a lifelong commitment to her that we will forever call her family and our child will forever know her as their birthmom. We envision being connected to her as we are to any of our extended family members, through phone calls, texting, facebook, email, skype, visits, holidays, birthday parties, etc. These are our hopes and dreams of a new type of family. We believe this is the healthiest thing for adopted children and also for birthmothers. We would also love for the birthfather to be known and involved. We feel that this type of relationship may take some adjusting on all parties, and it may take some time to get used to. These are our hopes and thoughts on the matter and we hope it helps people understand how important open adoption is to us and hopefully inspire anyone thinking about adoption to change some of their original feelings about it. We are sincere in our beliefs about open adoption, and we are continuing to trust in God to lead us to the right birthmother who would be a great addition to our family!
My (Janine) mom was adopted when she was an infant, and she does not know who her birth family is at all. She has never tried to look, and she will tell you she is not curious. Her adoption was completely closed. She grew up always knowing she was adopted, there was never a moment when she had to be told, she just grew up always knowing. She knew she was wanted by my grandparents and she knows she is loved by them, but there will always be that lingering feeling that she wasn't wanted or loved by her birthparents. She will never understand why she was "given up." To her she was abandoned. Many adopted children, especially children from a closed adoption will feel this way, it does not matter how much the adopted parents love them and how wonderful they are, they will still feel that they were unwanted and abandoned by their birthparents. Jeremy and I hope that our children do not have to experience any of these feelings. We do not want our children to wonder why they look different from us, or who it is that they look like; we don't want our children to ever feel unwanted or unloved, or that were "given up." We want our children to grow up knowing exactly why they were adopted, and we want them to know who they look like and that they are loved by their birthparents. If they grow up knowing this, then they should never experience any of those feelings that so many adopted children feel. We have to do what is best for the children, and put aside any feelings of selfishness. We have embraced these ideas and we are now an advocate for them.
We understand that an open adoption is not always a possibility. We know that there are many circumstances in which our children will not be able to know who their birthparents are. We will still be as open and honest with them as we can, and do whatever we can to help our children if they begin to experience any feelings of abandonment or wonder regarding who they are and why they were adopted. We are open to any type of adoption and we know that we will be led to the children we are meant to parent!
Our enormous hope is that we find a birthmother that will become part of our family. We hope to find someone that we can fall in love with and that we will feel comfortable with sharing all the wonderful moments of our children. We want to make a lifelong commitment to her that we will forever call her family and our child will forever know her as their birthmom. We envision being connected to her as we are to any of our extended family members, through phone calls, texting, facebook, email, skype, visits, holidays, birthday parties, etc. These are our hopes and dreams of a new type of family. We believe this is the healthiest thing for adopted children and also for birthmothers. We would also love for the birthfather to be known and involved. We feel that this type of relationship may take some adjusting on all parties, and it may take some time to get used to. These are our hopes and thoughts on the matter and we hope it helps people understand how important open adoption is to us and hopefully inspire anyone thinking about adoption to change some of their original feelings about it. We are sincere in our beliefs about open adoption, and we are continuing to trust in God to lead us to the right birthmother who would be a great addition to our family!